Checking In: One Month Down

Welcome to the inside of my brain..

I thought it a good idea to check in with you, outside of my destination posts, since I've been traveling full time and away from home for an entire month. 36 days as I write this. Wow. What a milestone! I've covered 7 countries and 18 cities in that time frame. It's been mostly fast and furious but I've had the opportunity to soak in so much history and beauty, meet incredible people, and eat delicious food. What more could you ask for?

Buckle in for some stream of consciousness here, then I have some Q&A toward the bottom...

*Please note, I typically post from my computer, not my phone, so I didn't run this through any spelling or grammar check. Welcome to the Wild West of my writing. Good luck.

I feel more present in the moment than I ever have and it's like I don't even have to try. New landscapes, new languages, new people, new everything, all the time. It's so much to navigate and try to figure out I think it's forcing my brain to operate in the current moment. I have to intentionally force myself to sit down so I can plan my next destination and then I'm back where my feet are again. I've tried to think far ahead, try to answer the question of what comes after, ask myself what do I do next, and my brain is like, nah girl, not now, and then I'm back in the moment. I'm trusting when a shift towards the future is needed it will come, until then, I'm not going to force anything. I'm in the midst of a dream come true, I'm just gonna chill.

It really does feel like a dream most of the time. I mean, I'm 31. The social norms ingrained in my system tell me I should definitely be working a job and trying to find a husband. Maybe contribute something useful to society, have a kid, use the money from selling my house to buy a bigger house. Fluttering around a far away continent, living out of a backpack, having strangers constantly assume I am in my twenties, and eating croissants like it's my primary hobby is the farthest thing from what I am "supposed" to be doing right now. I sort of feel like I paused time or stepped into a closet from Narnia. Every single day brings an immense amount of newness, my brain is constantly trying to soak it all in while remembering to eat, drink water, and make sure I've planned ahead just enough to keep myself safe but keep my experience open.

I miss routines but also don't? Ive only worked out on this trip once when I was used to lifting 4 times a week before it started. On the other hand I am walking twice as much as I did at home nearly every day and often with a heavy bag. I want to find a way to incorporate more diversity of movement into my daily life but it's difficult when my priority is seeing and experiencing as much as possible, not spending an hour in the gym and dirtying my limited supply of clothes and underwear. I really should just go ahead and be the weirdo doing yoga in the hostel room...my posture is garbage right now.

Food? Croissants are life. I live off them more often than you think. I try to eat at least one good big meal a day but I'd be lying if I didn't just crave a head of broccoli and a big salad a lot of the time. I ate way more when Adam was with me, I think I skimp by when I'm alone for sake of time, money, and honestly just being so busy I forget to eat. I try to remind myself to indulge in all the foods I won't have a chance to try later but I also want to try and avoid all the sweets and fried food. I will look for vermicelli bowls in every country I go to because the freshness renews my body. I really should look more into going to Asia, eh?

I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about "could I live here?" which is always the joke about Americans vacationing in Europe. Most of my visits so far have been to capital cities which are often big and dirty. Subconsciously I'm taking notes on what I enjoy and don't but it hasn't been top of mind. I've enjoyed smaller cities more and frankly places that are cleaner and not covered in graffiti, Sioux Falls made me a boujie brat I suppose. While it often makes me nervous to figure out how to navigate it at first I'm obsessed with public transport. I don't want to live somewhere where I have to have a car. Could I live here? How would I pick? I wonder what I would miss.

I feel more at home in my body than I have ever felt. More accepting of it, less willing to poke, prime, or position it to be more appealing to someone else. I live in my tinted sunscreen with a little sparkle on my eyes for joy and let my hair make its own rules. It's rewarded me with better hair days since I've made peace. I don't hold back my cackling laugh, I show up boldly as my wild self, I speak freely. I thought I had already "achieved" that level of self-acceptance and love. Turns out there was another level. Maybe it's because I am constantly surrounded by strangers who don't have a baseline of who I am and I figure they can take it or leave it but whatever it is, it's nice. I've realized my clothes give off much more of a "suburban mom" vibe when my personality is much more "crazy childless aunt". I've never been one for fashion, maybe Europe just makes me more aware of it. While finding my true personal style while living out of a backpack is not the priority, I have been thinking about what I could put on my body that could showcase "me" more while also being perfectly fine with the reality that if people want to judge the book of me by the cover they are missing out. My clothes are what they are at this point.

Travel dating. Oh boy. Well maybe some things should stay private...

I think my immune system might finally be catching up or at least not fighting me. The meds worked and I'm feeling better overall. I could certainly prioritize sleep more. My body has let it be known it doesn't enjoy experiencing 3am with my eyes open despite how much I *think* I might be enjoying it in the moment. Is now the time to bring back YOLO?

Can I just say, this is way easier than I thought it was going to be. Google, especially google translate, & common sense seem to be all it takes. I know I am much more of a free spirit than most. I'm low-maintenance with a small personal space bubble and a deep love for witnessing all parts of humanity. I know. BUT, I really think *most* anyone could do this. So far, I've figured out public transit with relative ease, communicated successfully with broken English & strong accents, navigated health care(!!) and spent more time enjoying than stressing. I've felt safe, comfortable, and super capable. I honestly thought it would be harder, gosh I really hope I'm not jinxing myself here. I will say Europe is harder for people with roller bags, I think I'll be a backpack traveler for life now after witnessing the struggle of others. I'm just so agile with my backpacks on. Sometimes you just have to ask a stranger for help, I realize that is so hard for some, is it my superpower?

Adam said it best when he described hostels "like camping" and frankly, I love camping so I'm here for it. I have welcomed a hotel, Airbnb, or local to stay with, don't get me wrong but it's not as annoying as I assumed it could be to stay in hostels most of the time. Only one slightly creepy experience in a hostel so far and it was in the hall during the day, not in my room, so I'm hoping I can keep this experience an overall positive one.

The people closest to me know I am happily child free. When I think about having children and living in America it is a hard no. School shootings are normal, suburbia has isolated our kids, the financial impact, healthcare and insurance is a nightmare, lack of leave for parents, the way mothers are treated in the workplace...no, and for a bunch of other reasons no. However, I will say there is something about Europe that twice now, my trip last year and this year, that makes me more open to children. Like a singular child. Maybe. Ha! I still have reasons I have leaned towards not becoming a parent that have nothing to do with the societal structure but are more personal to me and my body but there is an openness I've noticed here. It's admittedly odd and I'm not quite sure yet what to do with that but it sounds like that would require a foreign husband and permanent (or least 18 year) move to another country. Is the water here making me insane?

The ability to introduce myself as Dakotah from South Dakota while traveling, which is super memorable, makes me want to keep residency in South Dakota permanently while never actually living there. When people ask when I am going home I often say with a chuckle, "I don't have one." A silly joke sure, but I don't feel like I have one because I don't want to go back to my hometown in Iowa and I won't move back to South Dakota after this. I promise I'm not trying to be dramatic here but I feel home within myself, not a place. I think for so long I was trying to create a home, find a partner, a community, and I was running away from myself. I've finally settled in inside myself and I don't have that longing anymore. Maybe that will change, who knows. I will say it's convenient for traveling. I have not felt homesick once. Maybe I'm just built to wander? Do I need to find a way to live like this permanently? What does that mean? What does that actually look like?

Train time has been for writing but also for letting my mind wander. It often comes back to gratitude of how I arrived here and what can change in a year. I went from my life feeling shattered, not knowing what was next after my breakup to independently exploring the other side of the world. Sometimes I send an energetic "thank you" to my ex for ending our relationship because I wasn't strong enough to at the time. Other times I think I'm giving him too much credit because I was the one who said no thanks when he came crawling back. Why is it engrained in women to think we always owe men something? Either way, that breakup and subsequent job lay off set me free and while it SUCKED at the time, I've received more magic than I was capable of dreaming for. I don't know if a day has went by on this trip where I haven't actively expressed gratitude for those two tragic events. My dad always had to push me outside my comfort zone. I hated the process but loved what was on the other side. Dad, if you're out there pulling strings, thanks for the push. This has been the best reward yet and I can still see you smiling back at me with a touch of arrogance that you were indeed right that I would like it once I tried and I didn't need that stupid boy or job.

Questions from Instagram

What do I miss about Sioux Falls (South Dakota) if anything?

My routines with my friends. Climbing on Wednesdays. Brunch on Sundays. Coffee dates on Tuesday and Thursdays. It's not the place, it's the people. I'm no longer engrained in my friends lives. Long distance friendships are different. Time zone differences are hard to navigate. I just can't be present for them in the same way because of the speed of my travels and I know I am missing things I wouldn't if I was there.

Is there a prejudice on Europeans you discovered to be false?

What I was told: French people are RUDE

What I experienced: French people (at least the ones who travel outside of France) are so lovely and kind. The language still intimidates me and I ended up skipping Paris for the sake of time (where ive heard most of the rumors of rudeness), but the handful of French people I have met in my travels were great. Remember, don't write off people, a city, or a country off because of a few bad eggs, also ask yourself if you are being an annoying tourist and welcoming people to be rude to you regardless of the country.

Is it lonely?

So far, not at all. Often I have craved more solitude than social time, I am surrounded by people quite often. Staying in hostels make the social experience easier but frankly for me, so does my personality. I've made friends nearly everywhere I've went and if I wanted a companion for an excursion or meal it's been easy to get one. Hugs, laughs, or a helping hand have been in ample supply! It's worth mentioning I was on my own for 17 days before Adam joined me for 14 days and he just left. I'm curious if the answer to this question will change over time, especially after longer periods of time without seeing people I know.

What's the biggest similarly you've seen across the cultures of people?

They all dress better than Midwestern Americans.

How long are you traveling?

My tourist visa in the Schengen Zone (most of Europe, minus the UK and some others) will run out late August but I've considered jumping back to the UK, or go to Australia, or Asia for the first time. Only time will tell but this trip will be at least 100 days even if I decide to go back to the States at the end of my current "plans".

Are you working remotely or volunteering?

Nope and nope. I've considered looking into volunteering options to cut down on things like food and lodging costs later on but that would be after my 100 day agenda in Europe. I already had savings built up when I got laid off in October but then I worked my butt off to save as much as possible when I decided to take this trip. Selling my house and nearly everything I owned means I have some money to get me by for a decent amount of time before I need to start thinking about working again.

Well. If you made it through that chaos, congrats and welcome to some of the swirling galaxy of my inner world.

I know y'all are reading because I see the stats but if you like my writing and want to throw me a like or a comment I'd appreciate the interaction so it feels a *little less* like screaming

into the void. Appreciate you.

Until next time,

XO Dak